(3:14am) random thoughts, excuse the poor everything.

A friend whom I thought was my one of closest friends simply just never was.  I should have caught the hint a long while ago, but being so naive made me blind to the fact.  All this time wasted, just to be dumped for others.  I’m only a backup, a last resort, a 2nd class friend.  Its as if we were just acquaintences.

I’ve noticed that anything else is better for this ‘friend’ than to spend even the least amount time with me. to make sure i’m ok. to make sure i have somebody there for me.  Every-Anyone and everything else comes first.

I’ve also noticed that our ‘friendship’ is heavily based on convenience.  If something is not easily done, its scrapped, even if it leaves me to ‘go at’ (for a lack of better words.) something alone.  The extra mile does not apply here, above and beyond is just absurd.

Things will be different knowing this.  Sometimes ignorance really is bliss.

Project 365

http://www.photoblog.com/akoe311

A Fresh Start

A new president calls for a new blog post.  Congratulations to our new President, Barack Obama, and I wish him a smooth 4 years of presidency. I sort of regret not going to his visit at College Park way back when, it would have been nice to see and hear the future President of the United States in person.  I had class during his appearance anyway, so it’s not like i completely brushed it off.  From what I heard that day, he’s a great motivational speaker and it seemed as though he was able to inspire everyone in the Comcast Center.  I should have gone… Rats.

Anyway, its roughly half way through my very first semester at UMBC.  I’m currently taking 4 classes now, and they’re not as demanding as I presumed them to be:  MATH152, ENES101, PHIL251, and SOCY101.  Unfortunately, UMBC was unable to give me housing for the semester, so I’m basically commuting for the time being.  I’ve been placed on the waitlist for next semester and I’m hoping to score a room.  I miss dorming, despite this campus being notorious for having nothing to do over the weekends.  I miss the freedom and feeling of independance that comes along with living on campus.  Not to mention the numerous opportunities to meet and friend many of my surrounding neighbors.  But hey, that’s what facebook’s for, amiright? (Just kidding.)

Meeting people here has been a lot more enjoyable now.  I’m attempting to be an active member in the Filipino American Student Association, more popularly known as ‘FASA’ (fah-sah).  It’s going well for the most part, I’m getting to meet a lot of the members and they’re all really chill, very welcoming.  I think having friends already integrated in FASA made it easier for me to meet others.  Slowly getting to know FASA, I’ve been attending the weekly general body meeting every Monday and I’ve gone to numerous sponsored events.  All in all, it’s a great experience in social networking.

Speaking of networking, on the weekend of November 14th, I will be heading up to Rutgers University in New Jersey along with 50+ members of FASA for Filipino Intercollegiate Networking Dialogue (FIND).  FIND is “a student-led organization dedicated to promoting unity and cooperation amongst Filipino and Filipino-American students.”   From what I hear, it’s an excellent way to meet other filipinos who attend various colleges and universities along the east-coast.  I’m very excited, especially since its less than 2 weeks away, and so are my cousins Gian and PJ, who are also attending.  Hooray for pinoys & pinays

It’s getting late, so I’ll have to spit a ‘To Be Continued’ at you.

- Eric

P.S. – Happy birthday shouts to the Edoras

Erickai’s Farewell

It’s that time of the semester again homies!  Yep yep, finals week here at CP is about to hit me in the face hard.  Procrastination is a chronic problem I can’t seem to get rid of, kind of like smash.  They go hand in hand, eh?

Got one fat ass Calculus 2 exam tomorrow at 1:30pm, I’m so excited.  Who wouldn’t be, right?  I mean, after this, it’s all done, all over, I’m free!  Other than the bullshit Geography exam I have on Monday, I got nothing to worry about!  Yes…. yess….. This saturday, oh, let me tell you.

May 17th, 2008 should be a date to remember.  It’s going to be the night of my last party I’ll be throwing here at good old College Park.  Since it’s my last, I thought I’d make it big, make it rain, on them hoes.  Jokes aside, this one’s gonna be good, real good.  I can’t stop saying that.  It’s going to be good. Just like your mom was.

My cousins are finally going to join me at a CP party, it’s about god damn time!  Along with my brethren, I have many of my old friends and new friends coming down for a grand performance!

Grand performance = beer pong // flip cup // shots // jello // etc. etc.

Let it be known, May 17th, 2008 will be Erickai’s Farewell

Growing C-Pains

These past couple weeks have gone by as quickly as they came. It seems like it was only yesterday that I was celebrating my cousin’s 18th birthday, not to mention the other 17 birthdays he’s already had. Everyone around me is growing up and maturing into fine young adults. To a certain extent, it’s a sort of bitter-sweet feeling. Elementary school, middle School, high school… It’s all been a blur, sometimes painful, but for the most part I’ve made decisions and had many experiences I don’t regret. “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger,” right? I’m happy to say, I survived what most call “public school,” whereas I tend to refer to it as one main determinant in a person’s life.

Here I am, in my second, sophomore (if you will), year as a higher education student at the University of Maryland College Park. It makes me proud to say that, however I still feel as though I’m in high school. Once thought impossible, though I’ve come to believe that there remains residue laziness from my past ’senioritis.’ I’m slacking in my studies, I put barely enough time into my work (I’m writing this, aren’t I?), and on top of all that, I’m even skipping classes. If anyone can explain my behavior, please do, because any sort of self-critique I attempt on myself always leads to me saying “Oh, its just a phase, it’ll pass.” It’s been 2 years, it’s obviously not a phase.

Some time ago, I posed a question to my friends and acquaintances concerning myself: “What was your first impression of me?” I was met with numerous replies, all very flattering, and I can assume true, but one response made me think:

“i thought you were nice… then i thought you were slightly insane because i swear i never saw you annoyed or angry or anything. it’s like you are always cool. you’re the only person like that.“

It’s true, I myself knew I was never angry, never annoyed, never fed up. Sure, there were the couple times where I did ‘snap,’ where I just couldn’t take the bullshit being fed to me, however they were short and insignificant moments that I’m sure nobody even remembers or even know about. All this calmness was uncommon for a high school student. I was never afflicted with what they call ‘high school drama,’ or any of that nonsense. For me, people were easy to deal with. I simply kept to myself, and never pushed myself into places where I didn’t belong. Petty conflicts? Not my style. Live and let live. Projects, papers, presentations, various assignments and worksheets, all of which caused me no stress. Why? Because there was always time and I knew I would inevitably get it done.

Why bring up high school memories you ask? Well, I believe the reason why I was so calm and collected during my secondary education years was because I was suppressing the ‘normal’ feelings and experiences one should have during the time to have them done and over with.  The arguments over what was said, over what was thought to have been said, the he said she said shit, indifferences that led to unhealthy confrontation, it’s all catching up to me now. The ‘high school drama’ is back to haunt me. Through the people I’ve interacted with along with my current experiences, I’ve come to learn that I’m still in high school, in the most figurative terms mind you. I’m more extroverted now, I’m more outspoken, and I think I actually look for trouble now. The actual college work? I’m stressing more about it than I have about anything else. Deadlines to be met, papers to be written, material to be studied… So much to deal with, yet I can’t find the momentum to even get me started on them, more or less finish what I’ve already started.

I can’t seem to bring out the whole calm, cool, collected self that I once was back at Western.  Things seem to be piling up and I just can’t deal like before.  I don’t know, maybe I just need a break from the whole college experience.  Good thing spring break is just around the corner.

A Proposed Weekend of Fun!

So many great things happening this upcoming weekend.
Let’s see…

- First of all, KATSUCON starts Friday, so me and the crew are heading there right after class to register for the weekend event ;D
- Got my girl Griffy (and hopefully Tina ) coming down to CP sometime Friday night to get our party on

Okay, so when I said many, I really only meant 2 things. But still, they’re great nonetheless. I only have 1 obstacle to overcome in order to fully enjoy this galla: College. More specifically, I’ve got my first Calculus 2 Exam on Friday, and I’m far from prepared. Meh, I won’t stress too much though, I have a full 5 days to study.

Too tired / late to write more,
Erickai

A Lonely Semester

Yesterday was an interesting day, more-so an interesting evening. North Campus Late-Night is the best. I love the chicken wings. Fields, Tang, and I had waited until 9pm to head out to get some dinner, and like always, we struck some interesting conversation.

It all started with Fields’ usual, “Damn, it looks like we’re the most attractive ones here, again.” Haha, funny thing, it’s not an exaggeration (just kidding). We look around the dining area, and there’s an average amount of people there at late night. One major thing I noticed as I surveyed the place was that they were not eating alone. And I don’t mean alone per-se. What I mean is, every boy had his girl to eat with, and just as well every girl had her boy to eat with. I was silently happy for them, but at the same time a bit envious.

We, the 3 musketeers Minorities all happen to be fine, young, eligible ‘bachelors’ now (*ahem* or still ‘bachelors’). Not minorities in terms of race, but as guys without a ’shorty,’ no woman, no ’sunshine’ to cut through the miserable everyday gloom that accompanies life. Weirdest thing, something about this semester tends to scream, “You’re gonna be miserable.”

Sorry, emotional moment there, my bad. Hand me the blade, will you?

Again, just kidding.

Anyway, seeing these couples reminded me of a good friend of mine. It seems that he has, in a way, lost one of the things that makes him the happiest. That’s right you guessed it, his girl. It hurts to see him down, but in an optimistic sort of view, the feelings he’s experiencing can only make him stronger in the end, right? Who knows. As for me and Fields, well, let’s just say we’ve never been lucky enough to be in that damn game of love to begin with. I’m not too sure why though. It’s not like we’re trying to avoid girls, and it’s not like we don’t want a relationship. Shit, it’s probably been number 1 on our hit list for the longest time.

With all this said, we start talking about Katsucon and such. Fields and I are constantly reassured by Tang that we will eventually find our own girls. “See, just get a fresh cut, less baggy clothes (it makes you look fat), and start talking to Bitches. On the plus side, we’re not that bad looking, especially compared to the majority of what we see around campus. You’ve got a nice opportunity coming at Katsu, so make good use of that.” Those weren’t his exact words, but if I were to put them in a nutshell, that’s basically what it would sound like. Bullshit aside, we end the evening with a hearty salad and an even stronger connection.

I wish I could have somebody special to confide in. I know I have my close circle of friends to keep me in check, but sometimes they just don’t cut it. I want that someone that I can rely on, that someone I can talk to for hours, that someone I can look forward to seeing, that someone I can potentially love.

I really hope I do meet my very own Sweetest Girl sometime soon, but as of right now, it’s looking like another lonely semester.

One Last Week of Freedom

College Park dawns upon me. My last semester starts next Monday, however I think I’ll be moving back in on either the previous Saturday or Sunday. I’m a little excited, but what’s stumbling to me is that I’m a little nervous about coming back. This is my opportunity for a fresh start with a whole new semester. Can’t afford to fuck up now.

I’ve been debating on whether or not I should keep Calculus II and Physics 261 (along with its accompanying lab) in my schedule. On one hand, if I drop these classes now, I’ll be able to sign up for easier classes for an instant boost of my GPA. But then again, I’ve heard classes at UMBC are tougher, so finishing them at CP might be a better idea. I don’t know, I guess I’ll figure everything out after the first week of classes to see what the situation comes out to be.

On a less stressful note, today was the second of 2 great nights out. I believe the first was last Wednesday, when I was able to escape my prison of a home and go out to dinner with ‘my Niggas’ Tang, Fields, and Espinosa. Longhorn Steakhouse was the restaurant of choice that night, and it was quite delicious. That wasn’t the best part though.

It seems as though every time I go out to dinner with these guys, our usual routine consists of finishing dinner, paying the check, and staying an extra hour or two conversing, reminiscing about past times. We’re able to bond and get to know one another even more, through various shared experiences and stories.

Anything and everything is said out in the open when we talk. None of that bullshit small talk, and that’s what I love. There’s no uneasiness with these people, and whatever is on our mind can be said without filter or censorship. The topics we discuss vary enormously: Relationships, Social Acceptance, School, and even, the most amount of times one has masturbated in one day. I can’t even remember laughing this much with any other people for the longest time.

Thinking about how much closer I’m getting with these people constantly reminds me of how distant I’m becoming with my other friends.

I begin to wonder:

Why don’t we ever hang out anymore?

Why don’t we talk anymore?

Why is it as though we’ve never even known each other?

Sure, I’ll think about trying to initiate a conversation with someone I haven’t spoken to in a while, but it’s just so damn awkward that I just shoot down the idea as fast as it was conceived. Why is it always so awkward? Why is it hard to talk? Am I the only one even thinking about trying to make a connection with the other? If so, were we even friends in the first place?

A Friend is defined as: a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.

I’ll be honest, I do consider many people as my friend, but is it necessary for the feelings to be mutual for it to work, or be ‘official?’ Maybe that’s why it’s so damn awkward, the thought of the other person lacking the feelings of affection or personal regard for me. Perhaps I’m not convinced that the other person conceives me as their friend.

Am I really your friend?

House Arrest[ed Development]

Bad grades leads to bad times. Yep, it’s about time they’ve caught up to me. I don’t know if I’ve failed to mention this before, but the rents finally got to see my wonderful grades from last semester. Let me recap:

CHEM135 – D
PHYS161 – C
NFSC100 – D
CCJS10 – C

Mhmm, honor roll quality, eh?

So basically I’m now on what I like to call “House Arrest.” The rents say I can’t have people over, and I can’t go anywhere. At first this sounds like an absurd punishment– Well, no, it’s perfectly reasonable. I only thought it was unfair mainly because I was all caught up with ‘bro-ing’ out with the friends. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to blame my grades on my niggas, I’m just saying, I made some bad choices when it came to my studies.

Anyway, here I am, day whatever of being at home alone for most of the day, and having the only physical social interaction be with my parents. It sucks. The only good thing about all this free time is plenty of opportunities to work on my physical health, aka run run run run on that treadmill. Although I’ve only utilized it 3 times this past week. Meh.

To those wondering, I kind of left everyone on a sort of cliffhanger on my last post. I am in fact transferring to UMBC in the fall semester. The reason for this is I can’t apply for the engineering major at CP. That damn chemistry class was the last gateway class I needed in order to meet the requirements. I needed a C or better. I shit out a D.

Oh, I should just retake it, right?
Yea, the kicker is that this was the semester I chose to retake it. I had already taken it the last fall semester, but I managed to fuck up a second time.

How about I retake it a second time?
No can do. CP’s engineering program states that I can only retake a gateway class once.

And on to my backup plan.
I must transfer to UMBC for engineering.

Yup yup, plan on seeing me around Arbutus a hell of a lot more this upcoming Fall semester. Damn, just when I thought I had escaped that place.

Gather ‘Round The Good Stuff

I’m just about 9 days late with this, but still, Happy New Year!   2008 is here, and it’s everyone’s chance to turn over a new leaf, start fresh, and put on a happy face.  Resolutions excitedly spit out on New Years day are already starting to be neglected and forgotten.  Simply put, we’re lacking the drive to stay committed to our promises.  I say this with a nice cynical look mainly because I’ve already gone against my resolution to stop procrastinating.  Ehh, I’ll get around to running again tomorrow.

Anyway, lots of things have been happening since my last post.  Christmas flew by, barely with any cheer.  It felt so rushed and lost a lot of its joy and charm it had the previous years before it.  I don’t know, but I just wasn’t as excited about this Christmas as I was before.  Is it just me?  Meh, on the bright side, I did get a lot of moneys from relatives and I was able to put it towards a brand spanking new Xbox 360.  Oh the gay old times it’s brought me these past 15 days… Call of Duty, Halo 3, Beautiful Katamari… Love em all.

New Years also seemed like a blur this year as well, mainly because my sight literally was a blur at one point that great eve…  Haha, yup, this flip right here had himself a party at his bahay.  Carbomb, carbomb, carbombs… Gotta love it.

9 days later, here I am, laying waste to noobs on xbox live in halo 3 as my rents finish up the hardwood floor they are installing on the first floor of our home.  It’s coming along nicely, and I can easily say that I had not helped one bit in putting any of it down.  Don’t get me wrong, I DID help move shit around, and I think thats good enough.  Besides, I don’t want to fuck up a piece of the flooring and have the rents ridicule me about it for years to come, simply because once the floor’s down, you cant rip that shit out without damaging the house.

Getting tired, so here’s a nice pink monkey-like description of what I was going to say:

1) Got the clutch in my car replaced, its like brand spanking new now

2) Started a snazzy collage project on the walls of my room

3) This upcoming semester will be my last at CP

4) I’m applying to transfer to UMBC now.

Good night moon.